Unwanted Anniversary

It has been an extremely long year in so many ways. In others it seems like just the other day I was hearing the word tumor for the first time in reference to myself. It has been a real whirl wind of information, tests, treatments and hospital stays. It's really difficult to summarize the ups and downs of the past year in just one post. Instead of some long winded, never ending ramble, I've decided to go with a count down of my year since being diagnosed with cancer.


365 days since being diagnosed with Ewing's Sarcoma

157 (approx) blue trays delivered / meals provided in the hospital. 47 (approx) of which were actually eaten by me (99% being boxed Rice Krispies cereal for breakfast)

96 staples removed (83 staples after hemi pelvectomy + 13 staples after biopsy)

77 lbs, my body weight low (very scary)

69 days in the hospital (not counting any "day trips" for appointments or tests)

47 different visitors while in hospital, totaling 100s of individual visits

44 get well / thinking of you cards (including 1 GIANT whale card from my coworkers)

40 days of chemotherapy / over 30 weeks / done in 10 rounds

38, the magic number/temperature that meant I had to go straight to the hospital emergency room

35 prescriptions filled

33 blog posts, make that 34

21 insurance claims totaling $38,126.67 - sorry Sun Life (and to think that total doesn't even include everything OHIP covers)

17 days that I kept the diagnosis a secret from friends and coworkers as I waited for more results/details, during which time I continued to go to work and socialize with friends

17 flower bouquets / potted plants

16 hours of surgery (12 hour hemi pelvectomy to remove right half of pelvic bone + 3 hour surgical biopsy to determine type of cancer and stage it + 1 hour, awake, to insert portacath)

11 different head scarfs / hats worn + 1 wig

10 needles at $2,743.65 each

9 "fever watches" (closely monitoring my temperature as it hovered around the edge of having to go into emerg)

9 stuffed animals (3 bears, a kitten, a bunny, a little frog, a ram/mascot named Eggy, a dog named Jellybean, and a giant round monkey I named Paul Winston)

4 personalized t-shirts (thank you girls)

4 MRIs (plus at least 9 other xrays/scans)

3 prayer shawls made for me

3 blood transfusions (8 bags)

2 hospitalization for febrile neutropenia - fever with an abnormally low number of white blood cells (aka a fever after chemo)

2 helium balloons

2 nights spent in the hospital room next to "Mr. Smith" (aka Jack Layton)

1 spa night in the hospital (thanks to my sister)

1 book club in the hospital (it was my turn to host)

1 right hemi pelvectomy (surgery)

0 times throwing up from chemo!!! (just a couple close calls)

It's easy to be overwhelmed by the past year when you focus on all the negative or unfortunate points. However, if you look back over this list you'll see that nearly half the points are positive. Yes there are definitely some negatives from the year that can't be counted and are missing from the list, like the side effects of chemo, but there are just as many positives. Things like celebrating my birthday with a perfect night in with the girls. My boyfriend spending the night at the hospital on a cot set up beside my bed. Showing up to dinner with a friend, only to find out (surprise!) all my friends are there to celebrate the end of my chemo treatments. Or my girlfriends bringing an afternoon on the patio right to my hospital room, complete with food, sunglasses, a make shift sun, and "root"beer. All we can do is make the best of the hand we're dealt and when the situation calls for it, fight. Fight to preserve some of the normalcy in your life. Fight to keep a smile on your face. Fight to survive!

A big thank you to all the friends, family, and medical professionals in my life, I couldn't have made it through the past year without you.