Bittersweet

SSHHHOOOOOOOOOEESS!!!

My modified shoes were finally ready to be picked up today. There is nothing wrong with my foot so I don't need completely custom shoes made but I do need a significant lift on the right side. Missing the right side of my pelvis means I have no hip socket to hold the head of my femur in place. Therefore, when putting weight onto my right side, the scar tissue that has formed in the area compresses and my femur/leg is able to "travel" higher than normal, having no bone to stop it. This results in a leg length discrepancy (LLD) of about 3 inches.

Having my new shoes is very exciting. They mark the next big step in my recovery. Having shoes that compensate for my LLD should really improve my ability to walk. I will still need crutches to get around but I've been doing a lot of work at physio practicing walking with just one crutch and wearing these shoes should definitely help make that easier. I've worn the shoes around the house a little bit already but I'll really find out how well they work tomorrow when I return to physio (I've been off/home for Christmas this week). One thing we will be taking a close look at will be the lift height. Because my LLD only occurs (to its full extent) when there is weight on that leg, it's difficult to take an exact measurement of the discrepancy. For this reason our measurement of how high my lift should be may not have been exactly correct. I consider this my trial pair of shoes, a starting point. After wearing them for some time I hope to know whether I need my next pair made slightly smaller or larger. Or maybe they're the perfect size.

Leading up to today and even the drive over to pick up the shoes, I've been nothing but excited. The moment I had the shoes and was driving home with them I had mixed emotions. The logical side of my brain knows that these shoes are a big step in my recovery and have the ability to make a significant difference in my life. Another part of me really wishes I didn't need the shoe at all. It's not even that I wish this whole thing never happened to me (although that would be ok with me too) but I do wish I didn't require such a large shoe lift, for the rest of my life. The lift isn't all that subtle, it is 3 inches. It's pretty obvious. I don't really care what people think, but no one wants to be the girl with the ridiculously high shoe lift. It probably doesn't even look that bad but it's still new and seems so obvious right now. I'm sure after wearing the shoes for a while I'll think about it less and less and it won't feel like such a big deal. It will eventually become my normal. But for now, I wish I didn't need it.