Days that Make Me Think

Once in a while I have a day or moment that makes me stop and think. One which makes me so thankful and appreciative of just how far I've come.

This weekend I went to our annual work holiday potluck. It was at our director's house, where it is every year, and so nearly every element of the party was the same as last year's. The one big thing that had changed for me, was me! While sitting in one of the rooms I had this flashback to how I was doing at last year's party. I had been wearing at least four layers of clothing, no exaggeration, most of which were long sleeve / sweaters. Somehow this hadn't been enough and I ended up sitting directly in front of the fireplace wrapped in a blanket. I know I weighed in at only 77lbs about two weeks prior to that party and so I couldn't have weighed much more than that. I was always so cold.

I can't speak for everyone but I'm pretty certain that the majority of my family and friends would pick this time last year as one of the scariest 'stages' of my journey. If there was ever a time when people were worried I wouldn't survive the treatment, it was then. I was extremely underweight and had only completed one chemo treatment. We were terrified I would lose that much weight after each round and if you do the math, physically I didn't have that much weight to lose.

Another thing I was able to appreciate while at the party this year was my energy level. It's kind of funny to think that at the time, I had felt fairly energetic at last year's party. The reason being, it was the day before my next chemo treatment so it would have been the most energy I'd had since my previous treatment. Looking back now though, I know just how exhausted I had been by the time I got home and even at the party. I am so thankful to have a healthy level of energy once again.

Sometimes I get annoyed when I can't do something or am just frustrated with my situation in general, but then these random moments come along and help me remember how much worse it was a year ago and how far I've come since then. Reminds me I am definitely headed in the right direction.