Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Sometimes the hardest thing is the right thing. Case in point, my physiotherapist and I "breaking up". It's something the two of us have debated off and on for some time now. The day we finally made the decision, she looked at me and said, "I feel like I'm about to break up with you."

In 7.5 months I have had just over 150 physiotherapy and rehab Pilates sessions. 96 of which have been with my physiotherapist. She has been with me since day one when I walked into their clinic back in October. Back when not one person at that clinic had heard of, let alone seen anyone, who had gone through the surgery I did. When I started going to this clinic I saw my physiotherapist 5 to 6 times a week. After about 2 weeks, I began seeing their rehabilitative Pilates instructor 2 days a week. It was weird at first to drop my physio sessions down to 3 or 4 times a week because we had already become used to seeing each other basically every 24 hours. It would feel like so much time had passed between appointments even though it would only have been a day or two. It's going to seem really strange at first, when I switch therapist, not seeing her all the time. Fortunately, we have become such great friends that we get together outside of physio as well. This being part of but not the entire reason we decided to "break up."

The new physiotherapist I'll be switching to is at the same clinic and seems very nice. I've gotten to know her a little bit in passing as I am there 5 days a week. She has additional training as a Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist which may come in handy for coming up with creative ways to treat me. My current physiotherapist has said in the past, "I should really share you." Usually followed by, "but not yet. I want to keep you all to myself." With my surgery being so rare, it's not likely any of them will ever see another "me" in their careers. So I think it is a great opportunity for another physiotherapist to work with me. Not only is it a great challenge and learning experience for her, it will keep things interesting for me. She is sure to have new ideas and exercises, and even just different approaches to some of the things I'm already doing.

As a parting gift and a bit of a thank you for everything my current physio has helped me achieve so far, I had a custom t-shirt made for her. At physio I'm constantly wearing all the t-shirts my girlfriends have made for me, it only seemed appropriate to have one made for her. On the front it says "Jen's Physio" and on the back "Leading Physiotherapist For Hemi Pelvectomy Recovery". It's meant to be funny but at the same time I believe it to be true. The number of physiotherapist to have treated someone after that surgery has to be at least as rare, if not more so, than the surgery itself. Regardless, no matter how many others there may be out there, I can't imagine any of them working with me better and getting me to progress faster than she has.

The whole thing is kind of bitter sweet. The idea of working with someone new is exciting, no question there. But no longer working with my current physiotherapist, after accomplishing so much and coming so far with her help, that makes me a little bit sad. In the end though, I've made an amazing friend for life and not just a physio for the time being. And there's nothing sad about that.

However, I do wish we had just 4 more sessions together to make it an even 100.

Weekend Away

For the long weekend I went away with a friend of mine and one of her friends. We didn't have anything crazy planned, just get out of the city and visit her home town.

When she invited me to come with her I was really excited about the idea but equally nervous. Up until that point I had only really traveled to and stayed at my parents' house. Other than that I've stayed overnight at a couple friends' apartments maybe all of three times and just for the one night. The thought of being in a car for a good six plus hours, the farthest/longest I've traveled since my surgery, and staying three nights in an unfamiliar house I'd never been too, it seemed like a lot. I was back and forth for a couple days on whether I would go or not.

In the end my decision wasn't just about this particular trip but with every trip I may want to take in the future in mind. At some point I would have to go out of my comfort zone and travel farther and stay longer in a place I didn't know. The added bonus of this trip would be that of all my friends, I probably trust her the most in terms of helping me with any physical disadvantages I may encounter or need to figure out. She definitely knows and understands my physical capabilities and limits better than anyone else. I knew that if I ran into any issues she would help me or even brainstorm with me to find a different way I could do it myself. Not that I ask  for help anyway.

I'm always surprised when packing to go anywhere, even if it's just to my parents. I feel like I have/require several mobility aids but in actuality I only have a couple. Most importantly there's my crutches, but it's impossible for me to forget them. If I am going somewhere for more than the day, I will often bring my second pair of crutches. I may want to switch between them depending on what I'm doing. As long as I'm bringing or using my forearm crutches, I will bring my modified shoes as well. These are the only "extras" I brought with me for the weekend. I decided to leave my shower bench behind even though there was room in the car. This was in part because I was pretty sure I'd be able to manage the shower without it. At least I hoped so. Not having seen their shower before did make me nervous though. The other part is that it's a little embarrassing. I feel like I'm 90 years old bringing it along.

Everything went smoothly. My friend's friend and her family were all great and really accommodating. Everyone was willing to give me a hand whenever I needed it, and even when I didn't. The drive was long and my butt was sore by the end of it, both there and back. It wasn't just me though. We were all sore and stiff by the time we got out of the car. I'm pretty sure I'd have felt relatively the same had I not gone through my surgery.

Not only was it a fantastic trip, I had such a great time, but I've now pushed the limit in my mind of what I think I can handle. I likely won't hesitate as long next time an opportunity to travel/get away comes up.

Weekend Challenge

During my session on Friday, my physio presented me with a challenge. Choose one day this weekend and for the entire day only use one forearm crutch. This is limited to when I am in my apartment only. If I am going out I can then use both of them. But no matter what I'm doing, if I am at home, I must limit myself to one crutch.

Challenge accepted! Of Course. I'm not going to say no without at least giving it a try.

I stayed home all afternoon and stuck to using one crutch from 9am right through until 9pm. There are a couple details from the day that stand out more than others, some downsides, some up, some funny. For the first couple hours of the day I found the whole exercise annoying. It does take more effort and concentration for me to walk with one crutch and even more so earlier in the day, when I find my balance isn't as great. There were moments when, for example, I'd be thirsty and think "do I really need a drink?" because I didn't really want to get up and walk. Anytime a thought like that crossed my mind I forced myself to get up. I made an effort to stick to my usually Saturday routine and not allow myself to choose not to do something because I didn't want to do it with just one crutch. As the day went on it began to feel more normal and less of a hassle.

There were no major incidents but I did run into a door frame early on in the day. When I only use one crutch I tend to lean a little more to the left (the side the crutch is on). I didn't take this into consideration as I walked into the washroom and hit my shoulder off the door frame. It only took one time for me to learn though. I was sure to give myself a little more room on that side from then on as I went through doorways.

Having to wear shoes all day was maybe the biggest downside to the challenge. But I wouldn't be able to walk around with one crutch all day without my modified shoes on. Besides just not loving having shoes on inside all day, it made getting comfortable and relaxing on the couch a little difficult. I also opened the fridge door into my foot several times that day because of the shoe. Usually there's enough room and the door would clear your foot but with a 2.5" lift, there's no swinging the door open over my right foot.

The turning point in the day came when I had lunch. Preparing my lunch was no different than usual. I often walk or hop around the kitchen with one or no crutches anyway. Freeing up both hands to carry ingredients, pots, pans, or what ever else I may need is really helpful. I just use the counter or table to help me move around the kitchen. It was carrying my meal back to the living room, where I always eat, that I noticed a big difference. Carrying the plate in my free hand was so much easier than trying to hold onto a plate with my finger tips while the majority of my hand is wrapped around a crutch handle. It's awkward and slows me down a great deal. Yes, I walk a little slower and have to concentrate a little more when I use one crutch compared to two but adding a plate or glass (one or the other but not both) doesn't really change the speed at which I can walk with one crutch like it does when I'm using two. For this reason I will say that carrying anything other than a bag is much easier to do with just the one crutch.

I did end up laughing at myself at one point during the day. Occasionally I will carry small things in my mouth rather than my hand, for example utensils. I was getting ready for the day and was about to do my hair. My comb and a clip I wanted were in my bedroom so I went to get them. I picked them up and put them in my mouth to carry. As I went to take my first step back towards the washroom, I shook my head and started laughing. I took them out of my mouth and carried them in my free hand.

All in all I would say it was a very successful challenge. If it wasn't for having to wear shoes the entire time, I would use just one crutch around my apartment more often. It has inspired me to look for a pair of shoes I can have modified that I can slip on and off more easily. Shoes that could be my indoor pair. Perhaps even those platform flip flops that were popular with teens for a while. Paired with a regular flip flop I'd be all set. So if anyone comes across them in a store, please let me know where I can get them.

New Tips

Three Shoppers Drug Marts, a Rexall, and one mobility supply store later, I was finally able to purchase replacement tips for my forearm crutches. At one store I found replacements for cane tips but not crutches. Some of the stores said they carried them but not at that location. In addition, I had also called a Shoppers Home Health Care Centre and they just seemed confused by the forearm crutches, that I wasn't looking for standard ones. The only difference between the two is the tubing on the forearm crutches is slightly narrower. That and they are grey not tan.

It was at the mobility store where I was finally able to get them. I called the day before to see if they carried them and they assured me if the replacement tips they sold did not fit, we could take a pair right off a set on the floor. Excellent! Their store is not the easiest to get to without a car which can only mean one thing. Physio field trip! This time with my rehabilitative pilates instructor. Turns out the replacement tips they had were too big and we did end up taking new ones off another pair of crutches. Sounds like they are going to look into ordering that size of replacement tips for the store. Hopefully they do and I can purchase a couple pairs at the same time the next time mine wear out.

Having new tips on my crutches is kind of like wearing new running shoes. Because you gradually wear out the old ones, you may not notice they aren't as comfortable anymore. As soon as you switch to brand new ones, you feel just how much cushioning you were missing before. The first couple days felt fantastic. Every step felt so much softer. It wears off though as you get used to it being the norm. It did take me a couple hours to get used to having the new tips on. The difference in height is pretty minor, it's only a difference of about half a centimeter. It's enough though that I was catching my crutches on the ground ever couple steps. Not a problem so big that I ever actually fell down but I did trip a couple times. Like I said, it was only for a couple hours. After which I got used to them and naturally adjusted to the new height. It should be several months before I need to replace them again.

But They Exist Too

It was about 6:20 p.m. when I stepped onto the subway Friday. Although I was catching the tail end of rush and it was dying down, it was still quite busy. Especially when it's busy, I never expect or assume I will get a seat. So when I got on and had to stand I was not surprised or upset in any way. Two stops after boarding the train a lady tapped me on the arm. She pointed out a seat that had just been vacated and stepped aside so I could get to it. I had less than the width of the subway car to travel to get to the seat but before I could reach it a man went to sit down in the now empty seat. The lady who had tapped me on the arm stopped him and gestured towards me, indicating the seat was for me. With a little reluctance, he stood up and stepped aside. As he did this, another woman swooped in and sat down.

I should mention, ALL of this happens while we are stopped at the same stop. Really not much time goes by at all.

Back to the woman who has just sat down. Once again the lady who originally tapped me on the arm gestures towards me to say the seat was for me. The woman who has just sat down gives me the once over, up and back down, then makes a face and shakes her head no. She was not elderly, pregnant, or visibly disabled (not to say she couldn't have been, but she sure didn't appear to be). All I can say is "seriously?!". I swear you could feel the reaction of everyone around. It wasn't just surprised expressions but gasps and uncomfortable chuckles of disbelief.

Almost immediately the woman next to her got up and offered me her seat. As she did, she gave me a look to say "I can't believe that just happened". I was thankful for the seat, I still had several stops to go and the subway was still pretty full. I did feel a little uncomfortable though, I was now sitting right next to the woman who didn't get up, but at least I had a seat.

I very rarely ask someone for their seat directly. I've done it maybe all of two times. I'm used to people avoiding eye contact or pretending like they don't see me so they won't have to get up. But this actually shocked me. I wasn't even angry, I just couldn't believe it. Mostly because I can't imagine refusing a seat to someone who could clearly use it more than me. A couple months ago I even turned down an offer to sit from a mother with a baby in a sling. I just didn't feel right taking her seat. I definitely wouldn't have been able to stand my ground with about 15 other people standing on the subway staring at me in awe. To each their own I suppose.

They Still Exist

Yesterday was such a fantastic day. There was nothing major that happened to make it such a great day, just a bunch of little things that kept me smiling all day long. There was one thing that stood out though and made my day. On my way out of a building a man was walking out ahead of me. He was far enough ahead that it would have been unreasonable to expect him to wait and open the door for me. It would have been a little awkward even. So I didn't think anything of it when he walked through the doors and kept going. Apparently he had seen me though. Once outside, he crossed in front of all the doors over to where the button was for the automatic door entrance and pressed the button. The fact that there was an accessible door means it really wasn't necessary for him to hold the door or help me in anyway.

What took this man next to no effort and literally 1 extra second was such an amazing gesture in my eyes. While it isn't difficult for me to press a button on the wall and have the door open, it does require me to stop walking completely so I can take a hand off my crutch and press the button. The door then takes a few seconds to open and I have to wait until it opens fully before I can walk through. So even though it is only saving me a couple seconds, having one less struggle or step to go through for such a common daily action is what makes the difference. It's the same kind of feeling you get when you press the elevator button and the doors open instantly because it's already there. Not having to wait those couple seconds while it travels to your floor is glorious.

The best part of this small action is the confirmation that people like him still exist. So many people tune out everything and anyone else around them. Their only concern is getting from point A to point B. I don't always get a seat on the subway. I've had people let doors swing closed behind them and into me. Most of the time the city is a "fend for yourself" kind of place. I accept this but it's nice to see there are still kind individuals out there who know it doesn't take a lot of effort to show a little compassion and be aware of those around them. It's often just the decent thing to do.