There are 27 days until I turn 27 on the 27th. My champagne birthday! 27 is my favourite number and has been my choice of jersey number since I was 10. I'm really hoping my 27th year will be a great one. It's sure to be better than 26!
I've thought about this birthday several times over the years, usually when other friends have celebrated their own champagne birthdays. But also because I've always looked forward to being 27, being my favourite number and all. I've thought about where I'd be, what I'd be doing. Does my life look anything like what I pictured? Nope! Life rarely works out the way we picture it. Add to this, my life and everything in it had to be put on pause for over a year. Not to mention, I am without a doubt a different person after the year I had. It's not surprising that things haven't worked out the way I thought they would but it can be hard to accept sometimes. Even my image from just 2 years ago is obviously inaccurate.
The biggest thing I try to remind myself of is that different isn't necessarily wrong. I do believe everything happens for a reason and whether I understand why or not, maybe this is exactly what my life is suppose to look like right now. Yes things haven't worked out the way I thought they would but I've accomplished so many other things I never dreamed I would ever be challenged to do or overcome. And I am proud of that.
I think my best bet for a very happy 27th year is to embrace my life as it is and roll with it. I'm a stronger person for everything I went through and I have faith that this will only help lead me to a life filled with bigger and better things. That's the hope at least.
Tuesday 31 January 2012
Wednesday 18 January 2012
Hello Triple Digits
A couple months ago I set a goal for myself to be 100 lbs by January 17th, the date of my 6 month follow up appointment. Gaining and keeping weight on has been a struggle for me my entire life. It's a common issue in those with Crohn's Disease. Going through chemotherapy and a major operation (where 11 lbs of bone and muscle was removed) has only added to the struggle with my weight. Before you're tempted to think, "oh how I wish my problem was not being able to gaining weight", would you really want to switch lives with me?! Didn't think so.
In addition to making a conscious effort to eat more often and larger portions, I attribute most of my recent weight gain to physio. I lost so much muscle mass over the last 2 years. You could see the physical difference in me long before I had a diagnoses, the pain was going on for months before that. I've been going to physio 5-6 times a week for 3 months now. I'm there for an hour every day and it's comparable to being at the gym with a personal trainer. It would be impossible for me not to have gain muscle and therefore put on weight by now.
I'm happy to report, I weighed in at 101 lbs yesterday. That is the most I have ever weighed at an appointment in the 15 months I've been going. If that isn't big enough, consider this. My average weight over the previous 6-7 years before this all started was about 105-107 lbs. If they had not removed 11 lbs in my surgery that would put me currently at about 112 lbs. So I'm pleased.
I am extremely happy with how much weight I've gained so far, at least 15 lbs just in the last 3 months, and I anticipate putting on a little more. I plan to continue going to physio at least 5 times a week for the foreseeable future as well as play sledge hockey once a week for 2 hours. Keeping this up should really help me gain a few more pounds.
In addition to making a conscious effort to eat more often and larger portions, I attribute most of my recent weight gain to physio. I lost so much muscle mass over the last 2 years. You could see the physical difference in me long before I had a diagnoses, the pain was going on for months before that. I've been going to physio 5-6 times a week for 3 months now. I'm there for an hour every day and it's comparable to being at the gym with a personal trainer. It would be impossible for me not to have gain muscle and therefore put on weight by now.
I'm happy to report, I weighed in at 101 lbs yesterday. That is the most I have ever weighed at an appointment in the 15 months I've been going. If that isn't big enough, consider this. My average weight over the previous 6-7 years before this all started was about 105-107 lbs. If they had not removed 11 lbs in my surgery that would put me currently at about 112 lbs. So I'm pleased.
I am extremely happy with how much weight I've gained so far, at least 15 lbs just in the last 3 months, and I anticipate putting on a little more. I plan to continue going to physio at least 5 times a week for the foreseeable future as well as play sledge hockey once a week for 2 hours. Keeping this up should really help me gain a few more pounds.
Saturday 14 January 2012
Sticking With Tradition
I can't believe 14 days have already gone by and I've yet to tell you about one of the things I did on New Years Eve. Seeing as two weeks had already passed I considered just forgetting about it but it seems worth mentioning, even if it's late. It has become a bit of a tradition amongst my friends and I to go bowling on NYE. There is always more planned for later in the evening but we usually start by getting together sometime before dinner to bowl a couple games.
I love bowling. Who doesn't? I wasn't about to let something like being on crutches hold me back. Not having it completely figured out, I planned on working it out as I went. At the very least I wanted to bowl one game, wasn't sure if I'd have the energy/strength for more than that. Would I be able to manage bowling on my own? No. It's kind of difficult to carry the ball with a crutch in each hand. But with a little assistance from my friends we made it work. Each frame I would walk up to the line with my crutches. One of my friends would then bring me a ball and trade me for one of my crutches. For balance I held onto one crutch with my left hand. Other than that, everything else was pretty much the same as anyone else bowling. I did get quite a few interesting looks from others at the bowling alley, but if I was in their shoes I too would be thinking bowling with crutches was pretty odd.
The area of greatest difficulty was the power behind each throw. I was obviously missing the added momentum your ball gets from the couple steps you take leading up to throwing the ball. The lack of power was very evident each time the ball made contact with the pins. They would fall so slowly and delicately that we couldn't help but laugh half the time. I did manage to get two spares though and by the third game I didn't have the lowest score. I actually beat three people that game.
I have all the physical milestones of my recovery and the progress I've been making at physio all documented, it seemed only fitting to document this event as well. If you would like to see how bowling is still possible while on crutches, watch Jen - Bowling with Crutches.
I love bowling. Who doesn't? I wasn't about to let something like being on crutches hold me back. Not having it completely figured out, I planned on working it out as I went. At the very least I wanted to bowl one game, wasn't sure if I'd have the energy/strength for more than that. Would I be able to manage bowling on my own? No. It's kind of difficult to carry the ball with a crutch in each hand. But with a little assistance from my friends we made it work. Each frame I would walk up to the line with my crutches. One of my friends would then bring me a ball and trade me for one of my crutches. For balance I held onto one crutch with my left hand. Other than that, everything else was pretty much the same as anyone else bowling. I did get quite a few interesting looks from others at the bowling alley, but if I was in their shoes I too would be thinking bowling with crutches was pretty odd.
The area of greatest difficulty was the power behind each throw. I was obviously missing the added momentum your ball gets from the couple steps you take leading up to throwing the ball. The lack of power was very evident each time the ball made contact with the pins. They would fall so slowly and delicately that we couldn't help but laugh half the time. I did manage to get two spares though and by the third game I didn't have the lowest score. I actually beat three people that game.
I have all the physical milestones of my recovery and the progress I've been making at physio all documented, it seemed only fitting to document this event as well. If you would like to see how bowling is still possible while on crutches, watch Jen - Bowling with Crutches.
Tuesday 10 January 2012
Movin' Up
It would seem I was not the only one who thought I picked up playing sledge hockey pretty easily. Last night I received a phone call that truly put a smile on my face. It was from the organizer of the sledge hockey program. She said she likes to call all new participants after their first time out to see how they are doing and find out what they thought of it. That wasn't the exciting part though. She'd spoken with all the other staff/coaches and they all agreed that I was already ahead of everyone else in the program. She went on to say, if I'd like to I could switch to the Select Program. It's the next level up from the Skill Development Program which I was currently enrolled in and just one level below the rep team.
Hearing that the staff believe I can play in the more advanced program feels really great. Especially considering the prerequisite for this program is previous enrollment in the Skill Development Program. In the Select Program, players not only participate in all Skill Development exhibition games but may be asked to participate in occasional rep games as well.
Being allowed to move up a level is exciting on its own. However, the skill advancement isn't even the most exciting change. The Select Program is held at a different arena which is much closer to where I live. I'll still have to take the subway and a bus to get there but instead of taking around an hour and a half, it should take me about 40 minutes. Everything about the commute is cut down by more than half. I only have to go 9 stops on the subway instead of 21. Just 8 minutes on the bus instead of 27. Topping it all off with just a 4 minute walk instead of 10.
The long commute had clearly been my least favourite part of my first sledge hockey experience. If I had any other 'negative' feedback from Sunday it would have been the low level of difficulty. With one phone call, those two aspects became exponentially better. I'm even more excited now about getting into the sport than I was before. I can't wait for Saturday when I join the new program.
Hearing that the staff believe I can play in the more advanced program feels really great. Especially considering the prerequisite for this program is previous enrollment in the Skill Development Program. In the Select Program, players not only participate in all Skill Development exhibition games but may be asked to participate in occasional rep games as well.
Being allowed to move up a level is exciting on its own. However, the skill advancement isn't even the most exciting change. The Select Program is held at a different arena which is much closer to where I live. I'll still have to take the subway and a bus to get there but instead of taking around an hour and a half, it should take me about 40 minutes. Everything about the commute is cut down by more than half. I only have to go 9 stops on the subway instead of 21. Just 8 minutes on the bus instead of 27. Topping it all off with just a 4 minute walk instead of 10.
The long commute had clearly been my least favourite part of my first sledge hockey experience. If I had any other 'negative' feedback from Sunday it would have been the low level of difficulty. With one phone call, those two aspects became exponentially better. I'm even more excited now about getting into the sport than I was before. I can't wait for Saturday when I join the new program.
Sunday 8 January 2012
She Shoots ...
I did actually score, but I'll come back to that.
Today was my very first day of sledge hockey. Feels like it's been a long time coming, probably because I've been talking about it quite a bit since even before signing up, so I was really excited to finally be going. Leading up to today I was also somewhat nervous. Not so much for learning how to play sledge hockey but for the commute getting to and from. I'd have to use public transportation, I don't have a car in the city (not to mention, I haven't decided if it's really all that safe for me to be driving yet anyway). It's probably good that I had to sign up for this program in advance. If it was a drop-in / sign-up the day of type program, there's a good chance I would have backed out. That is how much I was dreading the commute.
I'd love to report that the commute wasn't all that bad but it definitely wasn't my favourite part of the day. It was at least marginally better than I had expected. This is how it went. Starting out with what should have been a 7 minute walk to the subway, lucky for me I had great timing and hopped on the bus for 2 stops instead. Then 58 steps down to the subway platform. 21 stops on the subway. 2 elevators up to catch the bus. A 27 minute bus ride. Followed by a 10 minute walk. Now that I've made it to the arena, time for a 2 hour practice. Aaaannnddd repeat in reverse to get home. Personally, I'm a little tired just reading that back again. From the moment I locked my apartment door until I returned home again, 6.5 hours had passed. I did have to be there early today to fill out some paperwork and get fitted for equipment. I also gave myself a little extra time being the first time I was making the trip. Regardless, I believe 5.5 hours is the minimum amount of time I can expect to spend devoted in some way to sledge hockey every Sunday. At least for the next 9 weeks anyway.
The commute aside, I had a really good time. I've mentioned before that I love trying new sports and this was like nothing I've ever tried. The basics were fairly easy to pick up, at least I found they were. Moving forward and turning came pretty naturally, although there is still tons of room for improvement. Stopping seemed a little awkward at first and potentially unsafe but it's not and it works well. We got a quick lesson on how to right ourselves if we fell over and I was one of the few who was able to get back up unassisted. Thankfully, I only needed to apply this lesson once outside of the drill.
There were approximately a dozen participants, of which only 4 were first time players like me. I'm pretty competitive and, although new to the sport, I was determined to keep up with even those who had played before. I'd say I did a pretty good job of it. We played a game/drill where you gather and steal as many pucks as you can (one at a time) and bring them back to your "home". My partner and I won the first round and then three-way tied for first the next round.
Most of the practice consisted of drills and games to develop our basic skills. We did, however, have a scrimmage at the end of practice. Believe it or not, I scored a goal. That being said, don't be too impressed. I was playing against others who are just as "advanced" at the sport as I am. It did feel pretty good though.
If I had to choose just one thing from today that stood out as my favourite, it would have to be being able to pass to yourself. Every player has two sticks and your sledge has just enough room between it and the ice that a puck can pass underneath. This means you can pass the puck with your one stick, under your own sledge, to your other stick. You can use this for keeping the puck away from an opposing player or simply to transfer the puck to the hand you're more comfortable shooting or passing with. It had a way of making me feel like I actually knew what I was doing. Seemed almost fancy or tricky, even though it wasn't really.
Now to wait and see how sore I am tomorrow.
Today was my very first day of sledge hockey. Feels like it's been a long time coming, probably because I've been talking about it quite a bit since even before signing up, so I was really excited to finally be going. Leading up to today I was also somewhat nervous. Not so much for learning how to play sledge hockey but for the commute getting to and from. I'd have to use public transportation, I don't have a car in the city (not to mention, I haven't decided if it's really all that safe for me to be driving yet anyway). It's probably good that I had to sign up for this program in advance. If it was a drop-in / sign-up the day of type program, there's a good chance I would have backed out. That is how much I was dreading the commute.
I'd love to report that the commute wasn't all that bad but it definitely wasn't my favourite part of the day. It was at least marginally better than I had expected. This is how it went. Starting out with what should have been a 7 minute walk to the subway, lucky for me I had great timing and hopped on the bus for 2 stops instead. Then 58 steps down to the subway platform. 21 stops on the subway. 2 elevators up to catch the bus. A 27 minute bus ride. Followed by a 10 minute walk. Now that I've made it to the arena, time for a 2 hour practice. Aaaannnddd repeat in reverse to get home. Personally, I'm a little tired just reading that back again. From the moment I locked my apartment door until I returned home again, 6.5 hours had passed. I did have to be there early today to fill out some paperwork and get fitted for equipment. I also gave myself a little extra time being the first time I was making the trip. Regardless, I believe 5.5 hours is the minimum amount of time I can expect to spend devoted in some way to sledge hockey every Sunday. At least for the next 9 weeks anyway.
The commute aside, I had a really good time. I've mentioned before that I love trying new sports and this was like nothing I've ever tried. The basics were fairly easy to pick up, at least I found they were. Moving forward and turning came pretty naturally, although there is still tons of room for improvement. Stopping seemed a little awkward at first and potentially unsafe but it's not and it works well. We got a quick lesson on how to right ourselves if we fell over and I was one of the few who was able to get back up unassisted. Thankfully, I only needed to apply this lesson once outside of the drill.
There were approximately a dozen participants, of which only 4 were first time players like me. I'm pretty competitive and, although new to the sport, I was determined to keep up with even those who had played before. I'd say I did a pretty good job of it. We played a game/drill where you gather and steal as many pucks as you can (one at a time) and bring them back to your "home". My partner and I won the first round and then three-way tied for first the next round.
Most of the practice consisted of drills and games to develop our basic skills. We did, however, have a scrimmage at the end of practice. Believe it or not, I scored a goal. That being said, don't be too impressed. I was playing against others who are just as "advanced" at the sport as I am. It did feel pretty good though.
If I had to choose just one thing from today that stood out as my favourite, it would have to be being able to pass to yourself. Every player has two sticks and your sledge has just enough room between it and the ice that a puck can pass underneath. This means you can pass the puck with your one stick, under your own sledge, to your other stick. You can use this for keeping the puck away from an opposing player or simply to transfer the puck to the hand you're more comfortable shooting or passing with. It had a way of making me feel like I actually knew what I was doing. Seemed almost fancy or tricky, even though it wasn't really.
Now to wait and see how sore I am tomorrow.
Monday 2 January 2012
Twenty Twelve
Usually the start of a new year doesn't hold a lot of meaning for me. I look forward to celebrating with friends on New Years Eve but am never really focused on it being the start of a new year. It's no surprise that this year was different and more than ever before I was looking forward to starting a new year. I know there is no real difference between December 31st and January 1st, it's just the next day, but many people view the start of a new year as a fresh start, a new beginning. For the first time, I too shared this philosophy.
It was just a couple weeks ago when I realised just how much I was looking forward to 2012. I was more than ready to put 2011 behind me and start over. Knowing that never again will "today's date" end in 2011, the year I fought the majority of my cancer battle, seems to add a layer of distance to what happened. There is no question that I will never forget this past year. How could I!? But I am more than ready to get my life back on track, it's been more than derailed for some time now.
There were some positive moments for me in 2011 despite everything that was going on. When asked on New Years Eve how I would rate my 2011 - thumbs up, down, or somewhere in the middle - I gave it a somewhere in the middle, to the surprise of some. Like I said, there was some good that happened this past year and some fun to be had, even if it was minor or far between. Furthermore, I am proud of all that I overcame in 2011 and how I handled everything. I learned so much. I learned a great deal about myself (some of which I'm still discovering), a lot about my friends and my relationships with them, and about my family as well. The way I look at my life in general, my outlook for the future, what I value and consider important, and how I make decisions, these are all forever changed because of my experiences in 2011.
I don't want to jinx it but it shouldn't be hard for my 2012 to be better than 2011. I have so much to look forward to in 2012, returning to work (date yet to be determined), learning to play sledge hockey, progressing at physio, along with a hundred other things. And with any luck, learning to walk. Or at the very least furthering my mobility and getting closer to walking, maybe down to one crutch or a cane. Already better in 2012, I have more energy than any day in 2011. More hair too.
Who knows what 2012 has in store for me. I definitely don't need anyone to tell me that you can't predict the future or that life doesn't always work out the way we plan. I haven't lost sight of the future and making plans for it but my focus has changed a little. I guess you could say I'm living more in the now. It has nothing to do with being worried I won't be around, I just have a lot more respect for the present. I feel like I'm more aware or consciously thinking about how what I do and the decisions I make are effecting how I feel right now. I think I deserve to be happy. I went through a lot of unpleasantness last year and think it's maybe time things started working out for me / going my way. I still have a long way to go in my recovery so there are sure to be many challenges along the way but all I can do is take it one day at a time. So here's looking forward to the potential of everything 2012 holds.
It was just a couple weeks ago when I realised just how much I was looking forward to 2012. I was more than ready to put 2011 behind me and start over. Knowing that never again will "today's date" end in 2011, the year I fought the majority of my cancer battle, seems to add a layer of distance to what happened. There is no question that I will never forget this past year. How could I!? But I am more than ready to get my life back on track, it's been more than derailed for some time now.
There were some positive moments for me in 2011 despite everything that was going on. When asked on New Years Eve how I would rate my 2011 - thumbs up, down, or somewhere in the middle - I gave it a somewhere in the middle, to the surprise of some. Like I said, there was some good that happened this past year and some fun to be had, even if it was minor or far between. Furthermore, I am proud of all that I overcame in 2011 and how I handled everything. I learned so much. I learned a great deal about myself (some of which I'm still discovering), a lot about my friends and my relationships with them, and about my family as well. The way I look at my life in general, my outlook for the future, what I value and consider important, and how I make decisions, these are all forever changed because of my experiences in 2011.
I don't want to jinx it but it shouldn't be hard for my 2012 to be better than 2011. I have so much to look forward to in 2012, returning to work (date yet to be determined), learning to play sledge hockey, progressing at physio, along with a hundred other things. And with any luck, learning to walk. Or at the very least furthering my mobility and getting closer to walking, maybe down to one crutch or a cane. Already better in 2012, I have more energy than any day in 2011. More hair too.
Who knows what 2012 has in store for me. I definitely don't need anyone to tell me that you can't predict the future or that life doesn't always work out the way we plan. I haven't lost sight of the future and making plans for it but my focus has changed a little. I guess you could say I'm living more in the now. It has nothing to do with being worried I won't be around, I just have a lot more respect for the present. I feel like I'm more aware or consciously thinking about how what I do and the decisions I make are effecting how I feel right now. I think I deserve to be happy. I went through a lot of unpleasantness last year and think it's maybe time things started working out for me / going my way. I still have a long way to go in my recovery so there are sure to be many challenges along the way but all I can do is take it one day at a time. So here's looking forward to the potential of everything 2012 holds.
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